Umm…yeah…

As some of you have already noticed (and thank you again for your kind words of support), I added a new picture to my sidebar of my fur-baby (I own it wifey) – the aforementioned Dementia Dog – Marshmallow.

This is him a few weeks after I got him:

Marshmallow 1995

This is him a few weeks before he turned 19 years old on March 29th:

wpid-20140228_095000.jpg

My poor baby…

On this past Sunday we made the likely long overdue but heartbreaking decision to have him put to sleep. He was in pain. It was time.

But as I told the vet when she asked if I wanted more time with him – both before and after the procedure – it would never be enough time.

But it was time.

So I was a mess on Sunday.

I was catatonic on Monday.

I was going through the motions on Tuesday.

I was okay on Wednesday until a coworker asked about him. I hadn’t told anyone.

Yesterday  was better than the previous four. Until I got home. And hubs handed me the box containing his ashes.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because the beautiful cherry-stained wooden box, with shiny brass hinges and hasp, came with an engraved brass plaque with his name on it.

Spelled wrong.

He was a laidback dog, but still. There is no ‘E’ in Marshmallow!

Do you know what that’s doing to my OCD? I send coworker Officer Vajayjay’s texts back to him spell checked! I can’t stand misspelled words. It eats at me like people who park their shopping carts in the ‘H’ position.

But maybe I’ll get used to it.

Maybe all I need is more time.

The Debt – Chapter Eighteen – Enemy Action

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34 comments on “Umm…yeah…

  1. Cindy Wedding says:

    So sorry for your loss. My dog has been gone 2 years and I still miss him. It does get better. Hugs!

  2. sweetmg says:

    So sorry to hear about your pup. What a blessing that he was able to live such a long and happy life with you. Rest easy Marshmallow. XO

  3. Roxybird says:

    The loss of a pet always hurts. I still miss my bird Sydney and he died more than 5 yrs ago. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. It will get easier…but yeah kick some ass regarding the misspelled name. Jeez…I really hate that. Hugs.

  4. bbrock525 says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. It really is like loosing a family member. I have a 16 year old Border Collie. She has arthritis really bad. Some days she just can’t hardly go. I told her I knew how she felt. We will have to put her down soon. Its such a shame they can’t live as long as we do.

  5. lcrafts says:

    I am sorry you have lost your beautiful pup. My husband and I are in that difficult space between guilt on the bad days and hope on the good days with our 15 year old collie mix. We know our time to make the decision you did is soon. I hope that soon the emptiness will pass to sweet memories.
    Linda

  6. valady1 says:

    People who have never shared their life with a companion animal (kind of feel like Sookie about the word pet) will never know the joys they bring or the heartbreak when we have say good-bye. My heart goes out to you…My middle son had to have his rothweiler put to sleep after he got incurable cancer. It broke all of our hearts. My daughter-in-law swore he was a human in a dog’s form. They got his ashes too. They kept them for 3 years, then when they moved to Hawaii, they took his ashes to the North Shore on Oahu and placed them in the ocean..Shane loved the beach, it was the perfect final resting place for him. He’s been gone for 5 years and I still miss him.

  7. Ilive2read says:

    I am so sorry for the loss of your Marshmallow. Fur babies are the best and it really hits hard when you lose them. Thoughts are with youl

  8. So sorry to hear about your dog. My 1st dog lived that long as well so I understand how hard it is to let go.
    Take care.

  9. redjane12 says:

    Very sad for you. That puppy pic is adorable but you did the right and brave thing seeing how he looked sickly in the second pic. Take care.

  10. Raynette says:

    I know what you mean. I had to put my baby girl to sleep last year. Believe me that it does get better over time. The only tjing that helped some was I had a new little one for about 4 months before hand. I still miss my little girl when I see pics if her. I will be thinking of you in my prayers.

  11. morggys says:

    sorry about your pup dear! 😦 *hugs*

  12. meridiean says:

    I’m sorry about your fur-baby; having to let one go REALLY sucks ass. You never truly stop missing them, but you do learn how to get somewhat used to it, and the hardest thoughts do start coming farther and farther apart. Go ahead and ask for a new plaque with his name spelled correctly. It’s going to bug the shit out of you till you do.

  13. askarsgirl says:

    awww so sorry to hear about your sweet little baby 😦

  14. suzyq591suzy says:

    I had to do the same thing for my dog — she was a peke mix named Prissy. She was my girl and sometimes I will think of her and it still hurts. My heart goes out to you and your family. I know another dog does not replace the one your lost — but I think she has been reincarnated in our new dog-Snowy she acts just like her at times I have called her Prissy not Snowy.
    Suzy

  15. Judy says:

    My heart feels your loss. It will take time, It will get better.

    Judy

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  16. tbfmia says:

    I’m soooo sorry about your loss… we never get enough time with our beloved pooches, otherwise known as babies cause they are undeniably a part of our family and a part of us. We love them so so much and they love us unconditionally in return. Take peace in the fact he knew you loved him back.

  17. Tynee23 says:

    I fully understand the love and grief you have for Marshmallow. I’m the same and it never gets easier. (I’m a big dog lover and they don’t live as long.) What a beautiful little man he was. God Bless

  18. Adriana says:

    I am so sorry to hear about Marshmallow. He looks so adorable and he was obviously loved every single day until he passed. You and your family gave him a good life and you were there with him so he didn’t have to face this alone. It’s the hardest thing we have to do when we have dogs or kitties. I’ve had to make this decision twice and, you never really recover.For me, there are Penny and Pepper shaped holes in my heart that will always be there no matter how much time passes. We love them because they give us the most unconditional love that there is, and we have to face this pain when their time comes but we have beautiful memories to carry us through.

    I hope the sweet memories will sustain you.

    HUGS

  19. kleannhouse says:

    sorry for your loss, it tough on us as they age, we think they will live forever… my thoughts are with you… i can say it will get easier because it does but we all grieve at our own rate for a pets death… the non-pet people will be your biggest pet peeve coming up because they won’t understand, just shrug them off (that’s experience talking) and smile….. we are here for you Kristie

  20. ragna01 says:

    I know it sound silly, but think back to all the wonderful times you had together. And lets not forget that most dogs live about 13 years, you must have taken very good care him!!!

  21. jules3677 says:

    Sorry that you have lost your best friend. Hope that you are able to manage. Kind regards. jules

  22. gwynwyvar says:

    Sorry for your loss. Big hugs!
    Hope you can get a new plaque for Marshmallow. Who was absolutely adorable btw 🙂
    Thinking of you.
    ~Gwyn

  23. arubaredx says:

    I am really sorry for you loss.

  24. switbo says:

    I’m so sorry for the loss of your dog.

  25. Ginger says:

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Time does help to heal all wounds. 9 months to the day after we lost Simba; our beloved baby girl chihuahua, we got Rocco – a male chi. We didn’t plan it as the last thing I wanted was a sympathy pet. I didn’t want to constantly compare the two. We remember her fondly and treasure our new little man.
    Take time to heal but don’t wait too long for another fur baby! I know there’s a lot of love in your heart for another one. Hugs & puppy kisses from Houston!

  26. Gayle says:

    I am so sorry for your loss! I have lost two pets and believe me it never gets easier!

  27. kardamon says:

    I’m so sorry you had to say goodbye to your dog, while I completely understand it’s hard I can’t imagine how it feels like if he’s been with you for so long. We share a big part of our lives with these furry monsters and it’s impossible not to feel the loss when they’re gone. As the fox told the Little Prince one runs the risk of crying if one allows oneself to be tamed,

  28. Anaman says:

    I am really sorry for your dog. I send you all my warmest thoughts!

  29. sorry about your dog. Thank you for taking time just to send us your beautiful stories especially when you’re feeling low. I know what you mean about the spelling thing. I am a spelling Nazi too

  30. EdgeofSomething says:

    I’m sorry about your Marshmallow.

  31. bim2013 says:

    Dear kjwrit, condolences, though that seems such an inadequate word for your loss. Make the bloody crematorium fix his name! Loving ‘The Debt’

    Mary-Anne Toy 0438 356 312

    >

  32. luvvamps says:

    Sorry for the loss of your little Marshmallow I never even dreamed that she would go to Compton’s house. This is going to be great!.

  33. twodognite says:

    Oh Sweetie, I have so been there. One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. He was adorable, and I know had a great life thanks to you. They’ll always be with us. Keeping you in my thoughts…

  34. Asia125 says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know how you are feeling. In this week I have lost my sweet turtle. My little one didn’t wake up from his winter sleep.

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