And since the show appears to be running with this theme:
I’ll just assume it means the writers intend on fucking us in the ass in High Def and that’s why it’s going to hurt.
I still haven’t watched last season. But it’s sitting there on my DVR, just like my size 4 jeans still sit in my closet, waiting for the just-as-unlikely day to come around where I lose both the literal and figurative case of the ass I have in order to get back into both.
But since that day isn’t today, here’s a brief list of reasons why I won’t be lubing up this summer, hashtag style.
Zombie vampires? Really?
It seems a bit bandwagony and unless the HBO bandwagon manages to pull my second favorite TV character all the way to Bon Temps, I just don’t care.
But, on second thought, I’d rather they didn’t. I’d hate to hate Daryl, like the books and the show have made me hate Sookie.
Which leads me to…
A love triangle?
Why not call this dirty soap opera what it is?
As The Twats Take Turns With Her Twat.
She’s not sweet.
She’s not smart or kind or exceptionally pretty.
I need for there to be at least one redeeming quality to give a shit about Sookie, but there aren’t any left.
And I hate that.
I hate that the girl I used to root for is one I would just as soon run over with my car.
Once for the books and once for the show.
And speaking of redeeming leads us to…
“We’re going back to the original promise of the show: Bill and Sookie. People are going to be very surprised about the way we get there. There’s romance, sadness and resolution.” – Brian Buckner, TV Guide
Bill and Sookie was the original promise of the show?
That’s not what I thought the promise of the show was. But then again, I’m an entitled reader/literary fangbanger. I get that they wanted to make a few changes to the original storyline in order to make it fresh.
Maybe I’m speaking out of turn, but I fully believe JK Rowling and Stephenie Meyers are laughing all the way to the bank.
Several banks, actually.
Now don’t get me wrong. Some of the changes I loved.
But I could have done without EVERYTHING to do with the Maryann storyline in Season 2, Billy boy becoming King, the wolves, the shifters, and everything Arlene.
And last but not least, there’s this…
“Well, I did not confirm that he’s alive. Not that I want to create more conversation, because I don’t, but to be clear, we’re not saying how we’re going to use him, we’re simply saying that we are using him.” – Brian Buckner, Entertainment Weekly
“Using him,” seems to sum it up nicely.
I’ve already read some of the spoilers and if that’s the only use they found for someone with Alex’s talent, it tells me there’s no talent left in the writing room. He brought Eric Northman’s character to life in a way that no one else could. He gave us all a taste of the different – pardon the pun – flavors of a thousand year old vampire. He peeled back layer after layer, week after week, year after year, showing us the different parts that made Eric Northman a whole. So if whoring him out is all they have left for him, then to hell with True Blood.
And all aboard on the Tarzan Express.
I don’t know if I’ll ever watch what will become 22 hours worth of data sitting on my DVR, so I’ll just look at this and try and forget how much better it could have been.