The Final Season….Can I get an AMEN?

true_blood___this will hurt
Of course it’ll hurt.
Us entitled readers/literary fangbangers watch TV too.

And since the show appears to be running with this theme:

TTTE Sam TTTE Pam TTTE Steve TTTE Jessica

I’ll just assume it means the writers intend on fucking us in the ass in High Def and that’s why it’s going to hurt.

don't fight it

Not feeling
Or Bill has an exceptionally small BillyBoyBit.

I still haven’t watched last season. But it’s sitting there on my DVR, just like my size 4 jeans still sit in my closet, waiting for the just-as-unlikely day to come around where I lose both the literal and figurative case of the ass I have in order to get back into both.

But since that day isn’t today, here’s a brief list of reasons why I won’t be lubing up this summer, hashtag style.

#AMCDoesZombiesBetterzombie vampires

Zombie vampires? Really?
It seems a bit bandwagony and unless the HBO bandwagon manages to pull my second favorite TV character all the way to Bon Temps, I just don’t care.

terminus

But, on second thought, I’d rather they didn’t. I’d hate to hate Daryl, like the books and the show have made me hate Sookie.

Which leads me to…

#TIsForTwatAndTriangle
alcide-sookie-bill

A love triangle?
Why not call this dirty soap opera what it is?

As The Twats Take Turns With Her Twat.

She’s not sweet.

language Sookie

She’s not smart or kind or exceptionally pretty.

Not who I thought I would be

I need for there to be at least one redeeming quality to give a shit about Sookie, but there aren’t any left.

And I hate that.

I hate that the girl I used to root for is one I would just as soon run over with my car.

Twice.

Once for the books and once for the show.

And speaking of redeeming leads us to…

#RIsForREALLYSorryRedemption

P is for

“We’re going back to the original promise of the show: Bill and Sookie. People are going to be very surprised about the way we get there. There’s romance, sadness and resolution.”Brian Buckner, TV Guide

Bill and Sookie was the original promise of the show?

do i look stupid

That’s not what I thought the promise of the show was. But then again, I’m an entitled reader/literary fangbanger. I get that they wanted to make a few changes to the original storyline in order to make it fresh.

But why?

Maybe I’m speaking out of turn, but I fully believe JK Rowling and Stephenie Meyers are laughing all the way to the bank.

Several banks, actually.

Now don’t get me wrong. Some of the changes I loved.

Lafayette

Franklin

Russell
To name a few…

But I could have done without EVERYTHING to do with the Maryann storyline in Season 2, Billy boy becoming King, the wolves, the shifters, and everything Arlene.

Everything.

And last but not least, there’s this…

#Yvetta’sNotTheOnlyGoldDiggingWhoreTB Eric
“Well, I did not confirm that he’s alive. Not that I want to create more conversation, because I don’t, but to be clear, we’re not saying how we’re going to use him, we’re simply saying that we are using him.”Brian Buckner, Entertainment Weekly

“Using him,” seems to sum it up nicely.

I’ve already read some of the spoilers and if that’s the only use they found for someone with Alex’s talent, it tells me there’s no talent left in the writing room. He brought Eric Northman’s character to life in a way that no one else could. He gave us all a taste of the different – pardon the pun – flavors of a thousand year old vampire. He peeled back layer after layer, week after week, year after year, showing us the different parts that made Eric Northman a whole. So if whoring him out is all they have left for him, then to hell with True Blood.

And all aboard on the Tarzan Express.

I don’t know if I’ll ever watch what will become 22 hours worth of data sitting on my DVR, so I’ll just look at this and try and forget how much better it could have been.

true_blood__Take one last bite
But given my earlier confession of long-but-not-forgotten size 4 jeans, I’m sure one last bite won’t be enough.

The Man I Want to Be – Chapter – 8 – Two Bars

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24 comments on “The Final Season….Can I get an AMEN?

  1. askarsgirl says:

    A-fucking-men sista!

  2. redjane12 says:

    EXACTLY!!! You put it more eloquently (and with pics! and gifs!) that I ever could but there is no hope for TB. Whilst I am a shameless E-S shipper, I really hate most what the TB writers have done with Sookie as a character. Gone is the brave fun heroine of the early days and now… I can’t tell what she is because a) she does contradictory stuff all the time and b) I’ve stopped watching but at any rate, she appears to doing stupid illogical shit all the time while letting others walk all over her, be it that unsuitable wolfy boyfriend or those a-holes from Bon Temps. I won’t even mention the doucheKing, biggest waste of space of a character ever. That Allan Ball could read the SVM books and find a hero in Bill is to me indicative of a very inappropriate definition of hero and what women are supposed to put up with and forgive such alleged hero….

    But whatever… In a few weeks time it will be over and just as I could ignore the book canon disaster, I’ll ignore the TB debacle… in favour of reading (or re-reading) great fanfic stories like yours so thanks for writing!

  3. caandaace says:

    You’ve pretty much summed it all up. I have definitely given up on the show and refuse to watch the pathetic love story of bill and sookie come to a resolution. And I will never watch it again. The writers really screwed the show again and again and again. Why does sookie have to be with bill? Just because he’s her first love? We all have many loves in our lifetime but even our first love may not be the one. Until they put Eric and sookie together which will probably never happen.. True Blood has forever lost me. Anyways… Thanks for posting the next chapter by the way! I love this story. At least I get my Eric and sookie somewhere 🙂

  4. Cindy Wedding says:

    Amen! I tried watching season 6 again and can’t seem to get farther than episode 2.

  5. theladykt says:

    All I can say is AMEN SISTER!!!!

  6. Sorry you are as broken hearted as I am. I refuse to drink the koolaid and watch this trainwreck. True to the End?!? The show runners and writers abandoned Sookie and the intelligent audience towards the end of S4. They deserve zero loyality from me.

  7. jc52185 says:

    I have long thought that I am not watching the same show the writers are writing. They have long been saying Bill and Sookie are soulmates. I just don’t get it. And part of me wonders what I am missing. They obviously have been writing the show with that in mind so why don’t I get it.

    It seems like a big step back for both characters – even Bill to go bak to someone he’s betrayed so many times.

    I just don’t get it.

  8. ForeverVikings says:

    I’ve read a few comments on other pages that suggest that Stephen and Anna went to the head of HBO, Michael Lombardo, and made a case that the show didn’t need Alex, and that Bill and Sookie could carry the show. As an added bonus, they’d be saving money, since they didn’t have to pay his salary. The Moyers also wanted TB to go to season 8. This was obviously before the S6 finale, where the fans made it abundantly clear who carries the show… So in essence, Buckner IS using Eric, because without him, they knew the ratings would be in the shitter. Note that there will be no S8, because Alex wouldn’t sign on for it. It’s also interesting that Raelle Tucker once said in an interview, that she pitched the idea of offing Sookie in S5. Needless to say, she’s no longer a writer on the TB staff (along with all the others who wouldn’t tow the Bill/Sookie line). You’ll also note that Alex has had zero interaction with Anna and Stephen since 6.01 and they didn’t sit in the same room when the TB Look back special came on a few weeks ago. Basically, Anna and Stephen tried to screw Alex over. The only reason Alex came back for S7 is because of us fans. Pam and Eric will be off by themselves this season, so look forward to a Paric ending and Sookie taking back her abuser.

    • I would not be surprised in the least. All one has to do is connect the dots. Back stabbers.

    • Janie says:

      That’s very interesting, but I wonder if it’s true? I tried to look it up and couldn’t find anything about it, do you have a link?

      • It was leaked by one of the defunct writers, who would not go along with the whole bill and sookie shit. It was very short but very telling. Going with the grumblings picked up over the last few seasons, I have not doubt it to be true. Except that Alex was pretty much fired, then begged back for the fans threatening to cancel, he was never to be in season 7 nor 8. Never.

  9. kleannhouse says:

    couldn’t have said it better. KY

  10. FairytaleAmber says:

    From this pic of Bill in the Red Coffin, I’m gonna take a stake in the dark 😉 and say that he marries Sookie and then makes her a Vampire. Ugh! With all the ego how do they fit through doors. I keep going back to All In, a fabulous story where Eric has to deal with bullshit fellow actors and producers and I wonder…art imitating life? I sadly saw the first episode but I’m finding it hard to care about the rest. Thank you for the wonderful article on TB/SVM and how to destroy a series.

  11. sexyviking says:

    You said it all. I am not watching at all and I am disappointed since I feel like those of us who invested time and money for this story to play out don’t get the satisfaction of a good ending. I love Eric – but I hate Sookie at this point so I am not interested in that happening but the Bill thing is horrible. I think it must reflect how the writers feel about women if they think Bill is a good guy – even SM said that about Bill. He was such a creep from the very beginning and used and abused her and now they’re soul mates? WTF?? It stopped making sense a long time ago and it was clear they were just playing at what they thought was fun to do without a single thought as to how what they wrote COULD happen within the framework of what they already built. Ugh! Anyway – thanks for writing amazing stories with smart Sookie and the lovely Viking. I just hope you don’t lose your muse over the TB mess –

  12. sweetmg says:

    I’m no good with GIFs, but if I were, I’d be inserting the sh*t out of several clever bits of animated goodness here!! Applause … Applause … Applause!!
    Well said, Hon! XO

  13. ericluver says:

    You tell it sista! Totally agree. While I’ll always be an E/S shipper, I can’t stand TB Sookie. She”s an idiot and, to be honest, doesn’t deserve the great Viking! Bill is a douche and I couldn’t care less about him. I USED to like Stephen Moyer (never thought that much of Anna) but if what they are saying is true (about the backstabbing) then he’s as big a douche as Bill.
    Just makes me sick to think of them stabbing Alex in the back like that. It’s sheer jealousy! They wouldn’t have show AT ALL without Alex. Asswipes!

  14. gwynwyvar says:

    I get you. And I’m with you.
    I need character growth. Sookie had potential in books and Show. Now? Meh
    Going back. This is more Allan Ball shit. He said he fell in love with the books because he saw it as a love story for Sookie and Bill. I was hoping we got rid of that tripe idea when Ball left… Sigh. .. guess not.

  15. catch93 says:

    I just love your emails. And I am talking before I actually get to the new chapter. You make my day. I especially enjoyed ‘peer pressure is not just for kids’. I hope your mom figures out everything about her new phone soon. On the other hand if she does, I probably won’t be getting emails that crack me up.

  16. Preach it sista. You are so spot on. Yes I am an E/S shipper, but agree it is disturbing that TB Sookie has become so unlikeable,skanky and just plain stupid. To me, the show is being written by a bunch of misogynistic jerks since they think their heroine should go back to her user/abuser. I won’t watch either, and will be on the Tarzan bandwagon with you.

  17. Im conflicted. I always want Sookie and Eric together (and Bill dead), but only because of fanfic. Sookie in the books and even more so in TB is so awful I would never want to burden Eric with her. I agree that they look alike they are dressed for a wedding and a turning, well her and B**l deserve one another. They can both fuck off and leave Eric to us, where he belongs.

  18. shandiii says:

    the more I watch the more I wish i had stopped the end of season 5 just like I wished i stopped at book 10. It has turned from something i couldnt wait to see each week to a train wreck I wish I could look away from. I honestly believe Alex is over it also, sealed by the fact he didn’t even bother to turn up for the premiere. Alex will move on to bigger and better things but for Steven and Anna this will be the highlight of their careers let’s hope they enjoy it. Steven is as jealous of Alex’s popularity as CH was of Eric’s

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