I know we haven’t really connected lately, which is why I think it’s time to cut the Ethernet cord on our longtime internet-based relationship.
But don’t worry. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them the truth about us.
It was you, not me.
But I’ve found someone else.
Someone who actually fulfills my multiple device high speed needs.
Because if I had to yell at Sunshine one more time to get the hell off of YouTube so I could post a goddamn chapter, I would surely be sealing my fate, with him carting me off to an old folks home at his first opportunity.
So, goodbye Verizon.
And hello Comcast.