“What about Gran?” she asked.
“Do you think she’s in any danger?” I probed and then explained, “If someone is trying to set up Jason as a murderer, then what’s to stop them from trying to do something to your Gran now that he’s living with her? He’d be the prime suspect.”
She didn’t look as panicked on the outside as I felt on the inside and instead mentally chewed over my words along with a bite of her meal before finally shaking her head and saying, “No, I really don’t. Wild ass theories of raging jealousy or kinky sex aside, Jason would have no motive to kill our Gran. If anything – God forbid if something did happen to her – I doubt even Bud would be able to deny that somebody was framing Jason. Everyone in that town loves her and her grandchildren are no different.”
I didn’t know any of them well enough to argue any differently. I barely knew Sookie well enough – a problem I planned on rectifying very soon, but I’d never been one to put much stock into coincidence.
Running into Sookie on the running trail in the park? Coincidence.
Running into Jason’s friend Rene outside of the movie theater? Coincidence.
The last two women Jason had been seen with being murdered in the same way only hours later? No fucking way was THAT coincidence.
But I wasn’t a cop. I was a doctor – albeit with a creepy yet sometimes useful curse – and unless Dawn’s spirit suddenly made an appearance and told me who the real killer was, there wasn’t much I could do to help out. I didn’t think every spirit hung around after their body died – the world would be a hell of a lot more crowded with them if they did – but I had no way of knowing what ultimately happened to Dawn’s at her death. So unless another coincidental murder occurred I had no choice but to accept there wasn’t any more I could do.
However, that realization only allowed me to tick one item off of my to-do list. Pulling it up in my mind, I mentally read it off and found another item I could cross off right now. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled my spare key out and slid it across the table towards Sookie, saying, “Um…here…you know…for whenever you want to stop by.”
Hopefully she took ‘whenever’ to mean ‘every night’ which is what I meant.
Considering my lame ass girlfriend proposal from the night before had gone over well, I at least hadn’t set the bar so high that I felt I needed to make a big production out of giving her a key. I would ask her to pack her stuff and move in tonight if I hadn’t been afraid of scaring her away – or giving Corbett free reign to come into my apartment. Thankfully she just grinned at me, asking, “Are you sure? I know I said before that you’d need the SWAT team and the Navy SEALS to get rid of me, but if I have a key then you just might need Fathers Karras and Merrin to exorcise me from the apartment.”
Just tell her…
Her joking about spirits, even evil ones, was the perfect opening for me to cross off the very big capital letter bold font item on my mental to-do list.
To tell her I could communicate with dead people.
As much as I wanted to just blurt it out, I couldn’t. Not yet. It wasn’t just my fear of her running away from me – as much as that thought did needle at me. I also had to consider I’d be destroying whatever hope she’d had in believing her mother could still see and hear her father. I couldn’t do that to her. Not yet, at least, and certainly not here while we were both on our dinner break in a room full of strangers. No matter how I felt about her, the fact remained she’d only officially been my girlfriend for less than twenty-four hours. I may not have ever been in a relationship before, but I knew enough about them to know couples didn’t share everything about themselves right off the bat. They learned about each other over time and we had plenty of it, so I closed my mouth and forced my lips into a smirk, saying, “While I’d definitely call what happened last night and this morning a religious experience, I’m not a religious man so no exorcisms are needed. But you might want to leave your handcuffs at home if you don’t want to wake up one morning as my prisoner.”
I didn’t go to church, but apparently I was willing to go to jail on an unlawful imprisonment charge.
Her foot began moving once more in my lap as she smirked back at me before digging into her food, acting as though she wasn’t causing me to fight off an orgasm underneath the table, and saying, “Who said you’d need handcuffs to keep me there?”
“Good to know, but just so you know, I was already looking forward to the conjugal visits,” I smiled back at her. Bantering with her was easy. Everything about being with her was easy which was why I was forced to stop her foot from tormenting me to the point I’d get charged with breaking some sort of public orgasming law, while she giggled at the tortured look on my face.
Cumming with her was too easy.
As she slid her foot back down my leg to the floor I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and was overcome with how happy I was. How happy she made me and all I could think was I hoped to Christ I wouldn’t do something to fuck it all up.
Maybe there was some religion in me after all.
Once we left the diner her kiss goodbye left me both elated and deflated – one part of me visibly deflated watching her drive away – but my melancholy didn’t last long. I’d barely been back at my desk when I got called to pick up a body. There was a fire at a storage facility across town where they stumbled upon a body, so I knew it could be a while before I would be able to get in and retrieve it. But knowing it could go past the time for my shift to end, I had half a mind to call Sookie to see if she was planning on stopping by my apartment. However considering we hadn’t discussed what – if anything – we would be doing after work, I didn’t. The last thing I wanted was to come across as clingy.
The smell of smoke was palpable before I got anywhere near the building and even if I hadn’t just been there a few days earlier, the fire trucks would’ve given the crime scene away. The storage facility was located across the street from the no name motel where Sookie and I had met up again almost one week earlier. It was hard to believe so much had happened in the span of a week, but I was happy with the outcome so far.
I pulled up to park a little ways down from one of the trucks and seeing as how the building was still smoldering in some places, I pulled my fire retardant coat from the back of the van and put it on. It was similar to the ones the firemen wore, with reflective tape running along the cuffs and hem, only it had the word ‘Coroner’ stenciled on the back instead of my last name like theirs did.
I was standing by my van waiting to get the all-clear to go inside from the Fire Chief when one of the looky-loos fires always seemed to attract came up to me, asking, “What happened, bro?”
“A fire,” I answered redundantly.
It was impossible to miss.
“A fire?” he repeated, looking back at the still burning section of the building.
It was impossible to miss.
Oh…Fuck. My. Life.
That’s what I got for deciding life was finally good.
I couldn’t stop myself from turning to see Naked Zack staring at the looky-loo, but what made my jaw drop open was when looky-loo acknowledged him, yelling out, “Bro!”
Well…THAT was possible to miss.
Somebody just fucking shoot me now!
“Bro!” Finally breaking the Bill and Ted dialog, he added, “You’re naked bro! I thought you were dead!”
“I am dead, dude! You’re dead too!” he replied gleefully.
Looky-loo Dude looked down at himself in disbelief and asked, “I am?” After a moment he looked back at Zack and added, “Then how come I’m not naked like you?”
Because God only hates me a little bit?
I was considering crawling inside one of the body bags in the van, hoping they’d forget all about me and go off on an excellent adventure together, when something else got my attention.
“Oh, you so need to wear that home.” I turned to see Sookie’s lustful gaze staring back at me and even though it hadn’t been very long since I’d last seen her, looking at her now it felt much longer than that.
And looking at her now, something ELSE was feeling much longer in my pants.
“Hello Detective,” I smiled back at her, ignoring Naked Zack and his long lost Bro beside me. “Do you detect something you like?” I added, unable to stop myself from flirting with her no matter who heard the innuendo.
It too was impossible to miss.
“Bro! She’s smokin’ hot!”
“Dude! I know…he’s been tryin’ to lay pipe to her since I died!”
Fine. Everything was impossible to miss.
I ignored the urge to confirm ‘pipe’ had in fact been laid because our fucking was none of their fucking business and instead just watched Sookie as she closed the distance between us. Smiling, she replied, “Mmhmm…It’s taking a lot of willpower for me to not go looking for your hose.”
How about that? My hose was looking for her too.
There were people – living breathing ones – milling all about us, so I knew I couldn’t just grab her and act like the horny teenager she had the power to turn me into. We were professionals and had to act like it.
So I opened the door at the back of the van and pulled her with me, pushing her body against it and thereby shielding her from view of anyone else – to include the annoying apparitions. She came willingly and if I had my way, she would be cumming again very soon. Giving her a preview of what I had in mind, I pulled the flaps of my jacket to the side so my ever-erection her presence caused could be felt against her stomach, saying, “Here’s a clue. I’d even dare to wager you find it on your very first try.”
Her arms had just snaked around my waist underneath my jacket, with her hands grabbing onto my ass and holding me there. She rubbed along the front of my body with hers and sighed out, “I love how confident you are in my detective skills,” when I heard another voice intrude in on our little world when it asked, “What’s going on?”
Isn’t it impossible to miss?
Seeing Sookie’s head turn, I knew she’d heard the voice too, which was my first clue it wasn’t just another ghostly cockblocker. I reluctantly pulled away from her to at least try and act like the professional my degree claimed I was, but Sookie’s face took on a harder edge, as did her voice when she said, “Sir, I need you step back behind the line.”
Fuuuck…I loved seeing her badass side. It was hotter than the fire.
We were standing within the cordoned off area of the building that had been lined off with crime scene tape and I took a step back from her so she could do her job when he introduced himself as the owner of the storage facility. At her prompting, I listened as he explained the storage facility was accessible twenty-four hours a day to anyone who rented from him via a pin number they were assigned to open the outer gate. The office itself closed at seven and it was after eight now, but he’d come back after getting called about the fire. He had no idea of who would’ve been inside and had his office not burned down too, he would’ve been able to tell her who had come into the lot by checking his computer.
After a quick kiss and an, “I’ll see ya later,” from Sookie – that I hoped was literal – she took the owner aside to get a preliminary statement from him. While the fire was under control, there were still burning sections they were working on and knowing it could be a while, I decided to pass the time by inventorying the gear in the van. I wasn’t the only one who used it and some assholes seemed to be under the impression there was a latex glove fairy who magically refilled the box whenever it was empty.
Chow, that fucking asshole.
It was why I always made sure my bag of gear was fully stocked, but there were times and cases when there were more bodies than my bag had supplies for. A bus accident right off the I-20 four years earlier was one such time and it was also the time I learned the glove fairies only worked their magic for Chow.
My head was stuck in a cabinet with me counting specimen jars when I sensed a presence in the van with me.
Please…PLEASE don’t let this be the excellent adventure they chose to have.
But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Not only was she badass, but she was stealthy too. I hadn’t heard her climb into the van. Nor had I felt it move with her added weight, but I definitely felt it when she slid her hand down my chest. And I heard her as she lightly pressed her mouth against my ear, whispering, “Boo…”
Only she was the one who squeaked in surprise when I pulled her legs out from underneath her so that she landed ass down on the gurney I was sitting on. A quick check let me see she’d barely pulled the door closed, so I took care of that, locking it at the same time, and moved to hover over her giggling body as she stretched out underneath me. All I could do was silently stare at her, still gobsmacked that someone as beautiful and fun as Sookie could want to be with someone like me. She was still laughing when she finally said, “I guess you don’t scare so easily, huh?”
“No, I don’t,” I smiled back at her. And it was true. Not only did my curse keep me from being easily startled, but so did her father.
That fucker had been jumping out of lockers and dark closets for years. If him hiding in a crouched position underneath my desk and then sticking his head into my top drawer as I was sliding it open didn’t scare me, I doubted much of anything would.
Her giggles died down with her smile changing into a coy one when she asked, “So…do you know what today is?”
“Tuesday,” I replied, wondering what she was getting at.
And I was also wondering if we could have stealth sex in the van. It could be our little secret and everything.
I couldn’t help it. She was drop dead fucking gorgeous. And she was my official girlfriend. And she was underneath me.
It was impossible to miss!
The only thing that stopped me from planting the idea in her head, or planting another part of my body in hers, was the fact I didn’t have any condoms on me.
And the condom fairy hadn’t visited the ME van either. I knew because I’d just inventoried the supplies.
And I smiled thinking Chow’s fairies must know he has no need for those.
Sookie pulled me back from Fairy-Condom-Tale Land by gasping out loud. She also looked upset, but before I could ask her what was wrong, she blurted out, “Tuesday? Tuesday? Is that all this day is to you?”
“Uh…I uh…” I stuttered, while trying to figure out what I was missing. I knew from Corbett her birthday was in July, so that wasn’t it. It wasn’t the anniversary of his death or Christmas, but thinking of Christmas made me wonder what it would be like to spend it with her.
Sookie…naked…her wrists and ankles tied down with garland…sprawled out under a Christmas tree…
What were we talking about?
She reminded me by saying in a brokenhearted voice, “I can’t believe you don’t know.” Pausing long enough to fight off the hitch in her breath and the tears welling in her eyes, she explained, “It’s our one week anniversary. One week ago today you made me fall head over heels for you. Literally.”
As much as my mind wanted to say, ‘No way has it only been a week!’ I knew she was right. So much had happened since I literally ran into her on the running trail. While she could never be a complete stranger to me thanks to Corbett, I never would’ve thought she’d actually be my girlfriend a week later.
And seeing how upset she was, if I didn’t find a way to make up for forgetting our one week anniversary, there was a good possibility there wouldn’t be a two week anniversary for me to forget either.
“Sookie, I’m so sorry. I’m not all that experienced with relationships,” at all, “and it didn’t occur to…”
Before I could continue on with Operation Beg and Plead, she stopped me by placing her finger over my lips to silence me. Her distraught expression disappeared as soon as my voice did and she smiled, saying, “We’re not twelve, Eric. As far as I’m concerned everyday can be our anniversary just so we can fuck like it’s a celebration.”
I was all for that plan, but still confused, I asked, “Then why?”
Her grin only grew wider when she taunted, “Did. I. Scare you?”
I was the one who gasped then.
And turnabout was only fair play.
While I growled out loud, muttering about the injustices of Sookie’s World, my fingers attacked her ticklish spots. It made no difference what I said really since I doubted she could hear anything over her own peals of laughter. Only when she threatened to pee on me did I stop and when she finally caught her breath, she asked, “Do you want to know the real reason why I was keeping track of how long it’s been since you asked for my number?”
“Is it because I’m so awesome?” I playfully asked, not about to fall for another one of her tricks.
After all, she was stealthy and badass.
And Corbett’s offspring.
Sookie grabbed onto my jacket lapels and pulled me down so that my lips were hovering just over hers. Smiling as she said, “Definitely. In fact, you’re so awesome that before I even went back to the station to do the paperwork on that dumbass who interrupted us, I stopped by the doctor’s office.”
“Did I hurt you?” I asked feeling horrified. I was nearly twice her size and I’d run into her pretty hard.
I hoped to Christ she was kidding.
“Nope,” she replied, giving an extra pop to her ‘p’. Her free hand found my crotch just as she said, “I got a shot. A birth control shot. Now take a guess how long it takes for it to be effective.”
I hoped to Christ she wasn’t kidding.
“Seven days?” I whispered, with both of my heads now catching on.
Her answer gave an extra pop to my ‘p’ too.
“What are you saying?”
I needed to hear her say the words. And if I hadn’t misread any of her words, Operation Beg and Plead would be back in effect.
We had an anniversary to celebrate.
“I’m saying that I got tested after my last relationship, so I know I’m clean. And if you’re clean,” she paused to grin at my automatically nodding head, “and you feel like it, we can feel what it’s like to rub our clean parts together. All naked and latex free.”
Chow could keep his glove fairies. Mine had a magic hypodermic needle wand!
She ‘oomph’d’ into my mouth while I growled into hers because the only barriers between us were our clothes.
And I was quickly trying to rectify that problem.
I had barely gotten her pants unbuttoned when she was startled by the sound of someone banging on the van door.
I was just annoyed.
“This van is a rockin’, but I’m still a knockin’! Stackhouse! You in there?”
“Fucking asshole!” Sookie snarled, not trying to keep her voice down while trying to button her shirt back up.
And I felt a small burst of pride watching her. My hands had moved quicker than I’d known.
When we were both fairly decent, her hand moved to grasp the door handle, but she turned to kiss me one last time and ask, “We’ll finish this tonight after work?”
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” I smiled.
She’d been in the process of opening the door while I was still speaking and since Herveaux was standing close enough for the door to hit his chest, Sookie turned to him and said, “And you took the cock right out of my mouth. Dick.” She turned enough to wink at me as she said, “It’s our anniversary,” before turning back to see his sagging jaw. She jumped down onto the ground and used her hand to snap his mouth shut, saying, “His cock is all mine, so quit trying to lure him away. We all know you don’t swallow anyway.”
I simultaneously turned bright red while laughing out loud.
First she stroked my cock and now my ego. She really was perfect.
Herveaux was still looking at me like he was seeing a unicorn before he finally laughed and turned to face Sookie, saying, “If I swallow then they’ll never make an honest woman outta me. What in the hell are you doing here anyway? I caught this case, not you.”
“What?” she asked, looking virgin white innocent. “I was packing my shit up when I heard about the fire and the body.” Darting her eyes towards me, she licked her lips and added, “So I wanted to come and see the hot body for myself.”
“Sweet fuckin’ ten pound baby Jesus,” he groaned. “Is this what we have to look forward to now? Sister Sookie is finally getting some, so she’s gonna corner the coroner every time somebody loses rock, paper, scissors with the Grim Reaper?”
It sounded like a sound plan to me.
I also like the way he’d made it sound like Sookie hadn’t been ‘getting any’ in quite some time.
If I knew him better I might jokingly thank him for stroking my ego and tell him my cock was still off limits.
“If you’re lucky,” she nodded while pulling out a small notebook from her back pocket. Ripping the top page off, she handed it to him and said, “I did some of your work for you and got the particulars from the owner while you were too busy trying to convince Dawson to make you a June bride.”
“Fuck you,” he chuckled, taking the paper from her hand. “I’ll be an autumn bride or else I’ll sweat my gown off.”
I was amused as hell watching their banter and could see for myself that I’d gotten it all wrong the first time I’d seen them together. They were acting more like brother and sister than anything else and instead of feeling any sort of jealousy over how close they were, it actually made me feel better.
He’d have her back in a heartbeat if she was in any danger.
How could I have a problem with that?
It was only a few minutes later when the Fire Chief finally signaled to me, so I kissed Sookie goodbye – while Herveaux made gagging noises in the background – and grabbed my gear before following him through the charred remains. Aside from the scent of the fire, the one thing I could smell just as strongly was ammonia.
“I thought this was a personal storage facility,” I said with my hand over my nose. “I can smell a high concentration of ammonia.”
Somebody must have stored a good quantity of it there and I was wondering if perhaps a HAZMAT team should be called when he said, “Yep,” and came to a stop, pointing at the burnt remains of the body. “And I’d venture a guess that this here is the chef.”
I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until I took a good look around. Some of the items in the small room were undistinguishable from the fire, but others I could guess what they were based on their shape.
A propane tank.
Several upright room fans.
Now warped metal cans that I assumed held paint thinner or acetone.
Shriveled up rubber tubing, assorted glass jars and bottles, what had once been aerosol cans, and Sterno.
“A meth lab?” I asked, having come across them more than once.
Only it wasn’t the Fire Chief. It was Looky-loo Bro.
“I just wanted a quick smoke while I waited for it to finish cooking.”
Well, he got a quick smoke alright.
I set my bag down and got to work on bagging up the remains. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist – or even a meth chef – to figure out the cause of death. Especially when the ghost of the meth chef was telling me everything he could remember up until the time, “It like…went BOOM bro!”
My shift had officially ended an hour earlier and I had celebration plans with Sookie, so as soon as I got his body back to the morgue I planned on leaving.
He could wait.
Anniversary fucking could not.
I was in the process of sliding the body into my van and didn’t bother to turn around. I’d seen enough of his naked ass to last a lifetime, but I couldn’t turn off my hearing so I was forced to listen until I could drive away.
Hopefully with the dead body as my only company.
“Come on, dude. You don’t want to see what he’s gonna do to you. And I want to introduce you to my new girlfriend.”
That got my attention. I was almost tempted to ask him to bring her by.
I’d never seen a unicorn in person.
“What girlfriend?” he asked, sounding just as disbelieving as I felt.
“Dude. She’s hot! But she’s playin’ hard to get and won’t tell me her name, so I just call her Merle.”
I couldn’t stop the snort I made at my own mental joke, but I nearly choked on it when he added, “I call her that cuz a what’s on her shirt. Merlotte’s.”