Chapter 5 – Trainspotting


Taking the exit for Shreveport, I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. I was so excited – and nervous – to be doing something that normal people did.

Meeting up with a friend for drinks.

Granted, most normal people would probably think sitting across from someone else whose chosen beverage was blood wasn’t too normal, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

And besides…

Who was I to judge?

After all, I’d had a shot of vampire sheriff myself, just the night before.

The day had seemed to drag on and on – more than usual – but I was surprised I felt as energetic as I was, considering I’d hardly gotten any sleep and should have been nursing the hangover from hell that morning. But I’d felt fine.

More than fine, actually.

But it must have been my good mood that played tricks with my eyes because I would swear I even looked good.

And I wasn’t tooting my own horn, either.

When I’d woken up that morning, feeling like I could take on the world – and win – I suspected it was just the lingering effects of the tequila that had me feeling so brazen. But mirrors don’t lie and when I finally bit the bullet and took a good look in one, I was surprised at what I saw staring back at me.

I’d never looked better.

My skin appeared smoother, like I’d been airbrushed to the high heavens while I’d been asleep. Even my hair looked longer and brighter, with the natural highlights I had the sun to thank for, shining even more.

I didn’t know what to make of that.

But I did wonder if it had anything to do with my less than innocent dreams.

Let’s just say someone’s virgin ticket got punched when the Northman Express pulled into the Stackhouse Station.

But that was to be expected, right? I mean what red blooded woman wouldn’t dream about a walking talking sex on a stick after spending the evening with him in DEFCON 1 Flirt Mode?

At least I hoped that was his DEFCON 1 setting.

I couldn’t imagine how I would react if that was his least threatening DEFFLIRT 5.

But he’d been so sweet too. Not just for spending the evening, sitting and talking to boring little old me or even for having his Supe doctor look into my curse. He’d just treated me like, well…

Like a normal person.

Even knowing what I was – or what I suspected I was – he hadn’t shied away from me at all. If anything, he seemed to welcome physical contact from me.

I would’ve cried when he hugged me back, if I wasn’t so afraid of my tears killing him.

And he made me laugh, something that was a rare treat for me. I felt like I could truly be myself around him and while a part of me told myself to not get used to it – to not rely on having him around on a regular basis – I decided I would allow myself to enjoy it while it lasted.

I knew all too well that all good things must come to an end.

And I’d learned all too well that I was usually what caused their end to come around.

But I promised myself I would be extra careful with Eric. Treat him with kid gloves, so to speak. With him knowing what I suspected I was, then he knew enough to be careful too.

No matter what his little engine thought it could do.

Pulling into the parking lot of his bar, I was surprised to see it so crowded. I guess I shouldn’t have been, considering it was a Friday night, but a part of me had assumed people would be more afraid of going to a vampire bar.

So I guess that made me an ass for assuming.

But seeing the line of people waiting to get in, my nerves were getting the better of me. I hadn’t been in a crowd that large in a very long time.

And I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry realizing the dead were a part of the last time too.

But this wasn’t a funeral, so I tried to shore my nerves and pull up my big girl panties, in spite of the fact I wasn’t wearing any.

Not with this dress.

I didn’t splurge on frivolous things often – freelance work wasn’t a paycheck you could always count on – but my credit card and I had gone on an online pity party or two in the past. One born from missing out on things like proms, formals, parties, and the like, but I was glad for it now because I didn’t have to scramble to come up with something nice to wear for our date.

Red silk hugged me in all the right places and my matching high heeled shoes would put me a lot closer to Eric’s height than my usual flip flops. I’d played around with makeup in the past, but I actually had a reason to put some on tonight, so I’d put all of my practice to good use.

‘Go big or go home’ was my motto for tonight.

And home was the last place I wanted to go to right now.

I could do this.

I think.

“Are you going to sit there all night?”

I jumped in my seat and my keys went flying into the backseat before I turned towards the voice coming through my window and yelled, “Jesus!”

“Try again, lover,” he laughed and opened my car door, but needing my keys, I turned around to search for them when another surprised yelp left my lips.

Because someone – who wasn’t named Jesus – smacked me on my ass.

Turning around, I glared at him and said, “That tunnel is closed too.”

Regardless of what any blood test said, that tunnel would always be closed off to his pervy train.

He only laughed and continued to wipe away invisible lint from my ass, while I searched for my keys. But my glare turned into horror when I finally got out – keys in hand – and he asked, “Did you dream of me?”

“Wuh?” I ineloquently gulped.

And then I turned as red as my dress when he took a step closer – so I was between my car and his hard place – as he leaned down and said, “Don’t forget, I can feel what you feel now.”

Shaking what little bit of coherency I could muster back into my head, I decided what was good for the goose was good for the gander and intentionally pushed the front of my body against his and said, “Quid pro quo, Hannibal. I don’t need your weird voodoo vampire blood tie to feel what you’re feeling right now.”

Nor did I need it to know where the majority of his blood happened to be in his body right then.

But Christ did he smell good.

And we won’t even go into how good he looked in his leather pants.


Not going there at all.

But I was sure I would be revisiting the memory of them in my dreams.

He just chuckled and leaned down, pressing his lips against the top of my head, and whispered, “Oh, Clarice, you have no idea of what I am truly feeling right now.”

But since there was no hiding how I truly felt right then, I figured in for a penny, in for a pound, and leaned into him. He’d warned me that he couldn’t be his normal goofy self around everyone at the bar – apparently vampire sheriffs had a reputation to uphold and having a sense of humor wasn’t a part of it – so I only grasped onto his sides – instead of wrapping my arms around him like I wanted to – and whispered, “Thank you for inviting me, Eric. I had a great time tonight.”

Inhaling deeply before he pulled away, he looked down at me with concern and asked, “Are you leaving already?”

“No,” I smiled. “I just didn’t want to forget to thank you.”

Lord knew I would never forget going on my first date – as merely friends, or not.

His eyes softened for a fraction of a second, but as he reached for my hand I could see his vampire sheriff mask fall back into place. While he began walking us towards the door, he said, “No one should bother you here. You smell like me and you won’t leave my side this evening, but if anyone asks, you are to tell them that you are mine.”

“Sure,” I agreed, too busy jogging to keep up with him to say anything more.

But honestly, I didn’t care.

I would tell them I was Medusa if it meant I got to enjoy a night out on the town.

And it might not be such a bad idea if it meant people would stop staring at me, lest they turn into stone.

Because it wasn’t until we were reaching the line of people, waiting at the front of the building that I realized we’d already attracted attention.

A lot of it.

And given their expressions – that ranged from incredulous to seething jealous – I guessed I was in an envious position.

Thank god I wasn’t a telepath.

But I ignored them, well used to being stared at, and just tried to keep up with Eric when he came to a sudden stop. Looking up, I saw a gorgeous blond working the door, and it was more than her fangs peeking out from her blood red lips that told me she was a vampire.

Her predatory stare probably had a lot to do with that.

“Pam,” he acknowledged with a slight nod and then he pulled me to stand in front of him as he added, “Clarice.”

Considering my host, I supposed we were better off roleplaying Silence of the Lambs than The Little Engine that Could.

Her eyebrow rose up in a very familiar way before her eyes rolled into her head and back as she said, “Uh huh. Just call me Buffalo Bill.”

“Alright, Buffalo,” he replied as smooth as, well…my skin, actually.

It was better than a baby’s bottom.

But I didn’t need to look at him to know he was amused, hearing the humor in his tone when he added, “We’ll be in my booth.”

“Very well,” she nodded with another eye roll. “And I’ll be in the pits making sure they put the lotion on their skin before they get the hose again.”

They obviously had some sort of relationship – aside from possibly a mutual love of Jodie Foster movies – but given her snark, I had to wonder if she was one of his beneficial friends.

But friends don’t get jealous of a friend’s other friends.


Eh…how in the hell was I supposed to know.

As long as she didn’t try to start something, I would just go with the flow.

I’d hate for Eric to lose one of his benefits on account of little old me.

When we walked into the club, I had to smile at the clichéd décor and I turned towards Eric, repeating his words from the night before.

“This isn’t anything like I imagined.”

Granted, it was my first time in any bar, but I hadn’t thought Eric would own something so…



His chest rumbled in amusement as he led me to a booth that was obviously reserved just for him because there wasn’t an empty table to be seen anywhere else. But he waited until we were both seated – for some reason, with him taking a seat on the same side as me – to say, “It is what the humans expect to see.”

“And the OxiClean is to do away with what they don’t expect to see?” I asked with a smile.

But my joke reminded me of something else that had to do with the jokester at my side, so I added, “And I don’t know what to think about the gift you sent me this afternoon, so I’ll just say thanks and leave it at that.”

He’d sent me what could conceivably be every container of OxiClean in the state of Louisiana.

Or Renard Parish, at the very least.

I could only hope I wouldn’t one day need it to get the Eric bits out of my couch.

He sat back, with his arm thrown over the back of our seat, and his fingers toyed with my hair, as he replied, “I like to be prepared for every possibility.”

His suddenly ominous tone was contradicted by the playful tug on my hair, but before I could initiate a slap war – one I had no hope of winning and one his reputation couldn’t afford to participate in – a server came up to our table.

Teetering on heels she was either too inexperienced or too inebriated to walk in, she bowed down dramatically in front of him.

And let’s just say other parts of her were threatening to fall over too.

Like over and out of her top.

But I had to give him credit.

Ridiculously dressed and vapid was a spot on description.

Giving me a hateful glare, she turned her eyes to Eric who wasn’t paying her any mind and purred out, “Master.”

And my hair got another playful tug with my unintentional snort, so I tried to hide it with a cough.

But Eric didn’t acknowledge her at all and only turned to me, asking, “What would you like to drink?”

I wasn’t brave enough to tempt the tequila gods two nights in a row, but my palate was limited when it came to alcohol. And since it was my first time in a bar I figured now was as good of a time as any to try something new and answered, “Surprise me.”

But I would’ve had to have been a twenty-year two pack a day smoker to hide my reaction when he said, “She’ll have a Screaming Orgasm.”

My hair got a harder tug and he sounded amused when he added, “And a glass of water. My lover’s throat seems to be a little dry after her last screaming orgasm.”

Reaching under the table, I pinched his thigh – which did about as much damage as a moth to a headlight – and after she walked away, I whisper growled, “Keep it up, Master, and I’m gonna need all of that OxiClean you sent me.”

“What?” he asked, looking as innocent as a newborn baby bunny.

But then his eyes went from innocent to downright sinful, reminding me what bunnies were known for and why there were so many of them, when he said, “I’ll get you to have a screaming orgasm one way or another tonight. But feel free to move your hand further up my leg and you’ll see just how up I am keeping it, hearing you call me Master.”

Did anybody else see that?

I’m pretty sure I just saw my common sense and reason blow right on by.

Thankfully Teeter Tits tottered back to our table with my drink and instead of taking a sip I took a giant gulp, hoping to swallow any ridiculous ideas I may have had about trainspotting.

And it had nothing to do with injecting heroin.

“Oh my god,” I moaned, not knowing what the drink was made up of, but aside from the hints of coffee and chocolate I could taste, I was sure there were some baby unicorn snuggles mixed in there too.

“That’s it, lover,” the devil beside me purred into my ear. “Now slide your hand back up my leg and we’ll both have a reason to make that delicious sound.”

“I doubt anyone could top this,” the snuggly baby unicorn ventriloquisted out of my open lips.

And who was I to argue with something so cute?

But I made the mistake of looking over at Eric and I slammed my mouth shut before that furry little bastard could get me into any more trouble.

Because the look on Eric’s face told me trouble was something he was looking for.

Trainspotting trouble.

Or plotting where his train could go, at the very least.

But spotting movement out of the corner of my eye, Eric seemed to notice it too and he stiffened.

More than just his train.

Turning to look at the person now standing next to our table, Eric’s hand moved from my hair to my waist, as he pulled me tightly against his body. But the only show of deference was made by Eric in the form of a deep nod and a single word.


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42 comments on “Chapter 5 – Trainspotting

  1. duckbutt60 says:

    Well…she’s not a telepath. But I sure do enjoy the reparte between these two. It would be so sad if they were spinning each other up only to know it could go no further. And…that would make a rather short story on your part. “We like each other, we can talk sex, but no kissing, no screwing, no nothing. The end.”

    So…hopefully Dr. l. will have some good news. And what is that buttface Andre doing there?


  2. Oooooooohhhhhh! I bet Andre is fixin to be a goo spot!!!! I love the banter between these two. Can’t wait to hear what the doc has to say about Sookie’s blood. Thanks for another great update!

  3. trubie35 says:

    What a way you have with words!

  4. uh oh! It’s the baby unicorn killer!!!

  5. kleannhouse says:

    great chapter update, so out on a date and then Andre ruins it by showing up. love their playful banter and antics. KY

  6. honulvr says:

    I can never read a chapter of yours without laughing out loud! Love it! Thank you for sharing your genius and for updating so quickly. I am totally looking forward to finding what you have cooked up for our Sookie in this form.

  7. Great chapter, I love the banter with these two and Eric seems really relaxed with her.

  8. baronessjai says:

    Shit….dre….damn can you say smoke in da city… see ya next chapter 😉

  9. elw2 says:

    I am totally obsessed with these two! I hope for a chapter every day. I really like the ‘Pretty Woman’ reference you snuck in there. My staff probably think I have totally lost it. The chapter came out after I was already at work and I laughed out loud more than once at my desk while I am supposed to be reviewing financial statements – nothing funny about missing budget for 2nd Quarter, let me telly you!
    Totally suprised by Andre’s appearance. I dare him to try something with ‘Clarice.’ 🙂
    More please!!!

    • kjwrit says:

      Damn Word doc is supposed to underline misspelled words in RED. It totally redlined me on “ventriloquisted”, but Word doc can suck it because I need that to be a real word.


      “Clarisse” has now been changed to “Clarice” every where I could remember it being in this fic.

      Thanks for the heads up! 🙂

  10. Jackie69 says:

    So this Sookie isn’t a telepath….The evening was going on fine but who had to show up ! Andrè…Loving this story…hoping for an update soon..Take care

  11. southgatrubie75 says:

    “Teeter tits”. I can’t stop laughing long enough to say anything else! Loved it as always!!!

  12. murgatroid98 says:

    I didn’t even think about her telepathy. Goodness knows she has enough other problems. I wonder what Andre wants and how long he’ll live.

  13. Loftin says:

    Lmao..I love it! I too am wondering how long Andre will last and what the purpose of his generous visit is. compton! Still causing trouble from beyond the gravel. More please. …

  14. Tynee23 says:

    Andre seems to have come looking for Bill and trouble. Thanks

  15. gwynwyvar says:

    Lol. Trainspotting. Yeah, parked train spotting lol.
    Very fun first date 🙂
    Hmm. So Andre is looking for the Dickius Billus Headius. I’m guessing. Also known as that dickhead Bill.
    Maybe Sookie can tell Andre about the unicorns and the bunnies. I’m sure they would be a great help!

  16. hartvixen123 says:

    I am loving these two and their banter! Thanks for another great update. You always make me laugh out loud with your stories. I’m pretty sure my co-workers think I’m nuts. I have a feeling (and I’m hoping I’m right) that Andre may not live much longer. Fingers crossed. Also, I can’t wait to find out the results of Sookie’s blood test.

  17. lostinspace33 says:

    Uh-oh…Andre is never good news!

  18. redjane12 says:

    I loved how Sookie got the VIP Welcome to Fangtasia package that entitles you to a frisky Viking taking you from your car to the owner’s booth and features butt slapping, snuggles, hair play and non-stop flirting. Lucky Sookie… Wonder what Andre will have to say… And why is he in Shreveport? Looking for lapdog Bill?

  19. mnjeanne says:

    LOVE the banter…can’t wait to hear what the good DR says 😄

  20. Mindy says:

    Thank you fir always making me laugh. I’m curious what Andre wants, I bet he is looking for Beeel. I can’t wait to see what Dr. L finds.

  21. vondax55 says:

    If Sookie got to poof Beehl can she please poof Andre too? Please, please!
    Get rid of the flotsam and get on with the fun I say! Really enjoying this story, so much fun, the interaction between Sookie and Eric is your signature style and I just love it. Thank you so much, you amuse and delight!

  22. theladykt says:

    oooh so no telepathy…..interesting choice. LOVE the SOTL references. Ugh Andre

  23. cros8262 says:

    So love the exchanges these two have! And not so happy to see Andre is already on the scene.

  24. gb says:

    I like Unicorns myself I’m hopeful to read some more about S&E reallyyyy soon..Almost as hopeful as I am about Bill going the same way in the show as he did in this story .. 🙂

    I can hope my consolation is I know I will get more chapters I cant say the same about Bill with the intensity they are shoving him down peoples throat its a miracle I haven’t choked myself..

  25. ashmo2000 says:

    Sookie’s first time to a bar on a date (as friends) is seemingly going good until Andre showed up.

  26. mom2goalies says:

    Trying to read this while husband is sleeping and not laugh out loud is extremely hard….LMAO inside

  27. […] The Venefica & The Vampire – Chapter 5 – Trainspotting […]

  28. Nia says:

    Love the banter between these two. So she’s not a telepath can we use Andre as a test subject with sookies blood ?

  29. eaaustin85 says:

    Grt update….I was wandering if if she would have telepathy, so it’s a no…just ppl dying when they ingest any of her fluids….So can’t wait for more

  30. askarsgirl says:

    I just assumed Sookie was telepathic this whole time. I can’t think of a non AH story where she isn’t a telepath. I bow down to your creative genius! Love this story but that really shouldn’t come as a surprise. You could write a story about Eric and Sookie watching paint dry and it would still be downright entertaining!

  31. Rayne says:

    Hilarious.. I can’t wait for more..

  32. ericluver says:

    Gawd I love their banter. I snickered my way through most of this chapter. Wonder what Andre wants? Hope Dr L has some good news?

  33. caraway seed says:

    ooo, the plot she is thickening! While I love the UST, I sure hope Eric discovers a good way to enjoy Sookie’s deliciousness soon or I’ll combust!

  34. ozzo says:


  35. fanficglo says:

    I want a baby unicorn, I hear they poop butterflies and rainbows.

  36. glamouredbyyou says:

    Great update! No telepath! Love their banter! WTF Andre!!!
    Now quick to the next chappy!

  37. cela says:

    come on andre, bite her and meet the true death! I lobe the banter between these two, it reminds me of nick and nora in the first thin man movie.

  38. mandersdawn says:

    Teeter tots, did anybody see that, baby unicorns spilling out of lips…. I am literally shaking with laughter right now! Seriously, where do you come up with this awesome stuff? HA! Their banter is awesome, and you write Pam so very well too!

    Now I’m grumbly because Andre just haaaaaaad to come along to spoil her first date and her first screaming orgasm. Can she turn him to goo too please? Onward I go to find out!

  39. lilydragonsblood says:

    Love the banter!

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