I knew Sookie was looking forward to sharing the baby news with everyone and that knowledge was the only reason I was able to get through the rest of our night because all I really wanted to do was kick everyone out so we could talk. The nagging in the pit of my stomach ate at me all through dinner and I couldn’t even get any enjoyment from watching Pam running her bare hand along the wood grain of the tabletop, complimenting Sookie on her choice of finishes, and then picking up a dinner roll with that same bare hand that she ate, with another compliment to Sookie on the taste.
She had no idea of just HOW good Sookie tasted and that was as close as she would EVER get to finding out.
I did my best to try and participate in the various conversations taking place amongst our friends, but the only time I was fully engaged was when we made our announcement. Seeing the joy on Sookie’s face and the unshed tears in her eyes pushed away all of the worry and uncertainty over what the future held. Deep down I knew that no matter what we decided, we would get through it together because it wasn’t just the Bean that tied us to one another or a piece of paper with our drunken scrawled signatures, but the love we had for each other.
I wouldn’t even need those gold and platinum chains.
It was close to midnight by the time everyone left and since Sookie had been up since early that morning she looked like she was about to fall asleep standing up, so I scooped her up into my arms and carried her to bed. She tried to argue that she wanted to clean up in the kitchen, at least that was my best guess based more on her annoyed expression than anything else, but her constant yawning wouldn’t allow her to work up much steam or very many words other than my name. I stripped her out of her clothes quickly and put her under the covers and as soon as I slipped in her behind her and pulled her back against my front, she was out like a light.
However, I wasn’t so lucky. For hours my mind tossed and turned while my body refused to even twitch knowing Sookie needed her rest. She was constantly moving when she was awake, doing what seemed like everything; for me; for her students; keeping up with the housework and doing all of it while her body was busy growing the Bean. My hand automatically caressed the soft skin of her abdomen thinking about our baby just underneath my palm and even now I still felt gobsmacked by it all. So much had changed in such a short amount of time. Changed for the better, but changed nonetheless. My entire life, up until Sookie, had a singular focus; my career. I had allowed myself other distractions, mainly women and partying, but my career had been the only thing I really cared about. Now I had a wife; a son or daughter on the way and I loved them both more than any job, but would it make me selfish if I still wanted to have a successful career as well?
Did I still WANT that career?
Working with Sookie’s students earlier that day reminded me of how I’d once been just like them; enamored with the idea of becoming a movie star and while I certainly had attained a high level of celebrity status, it was more because of my antics off-screen than my performance on-screen. I had the opportunity to change that now; the role of a lifetime was mine for the taking, but a part of me was still worried it could cost me the woman in my arms. The seven weeks I could remember of our twelve week marriage had been mostly great once I stopped questioning her motives for being with me, but it wasn’t long enough for me to feel secure that any prolonged separation wouldn’t have a profound impact on our relationship. We didn’t have a normal courtship. We barely had months together much less the years of experience that would give me some indication that all would be well.
Would she resent my absence?
Would I resent not being there with her?
I didn’t have an answer for the first question, but I already knew I would resent not being there with her. It might have been an easier decision if it wasn’t for the Bean, but I couldn’t know for sure. I did know that I didn’t want to miss any part of the pregnancy. I wanted to feel every kick; hear every heartbeat at her monthly appointments and marvel at her expanding midsection gauging her growth against the size of my hands. Her baby bump was barely noticeable, which was something Sookie was both grateful for and hated at the same time. She wasn’t looking forward to the added scrutiny when the news became public knowledge, but she often complained that her expanding waistline merely made her appear bloated and fat all of the time and didn’t like that either.
That’s where we differed.
I couldn’t wait for others to know she was pregnant; pregnant with my child. Everyone would know that it was a part of me growing inside of her; her body; her heart; all of it was mine. I’d claimed her for my own in every way possible and our child was proof of that, but as for her growing body, she was completely insane if she thought she was anything other than completely fuckable regardless of her mood swings. Even those sometimes swung in my favor and just remembering her fucking my hand in the car earlier that day had me growing hard against her back and my eyes glanced at the digital display on the alarm clock next to the bed.
Was a two hour power nap enough that I could chance waking her up with the Captain’s salute?
The sound of her softly snoring had me chastising myself for my selfishness. Hadn’t I just thought about how she did too much as it was and there I was willing to wake her up from the sleep she desperately needed because of my own desperate need for her?
I was an asshole.
And she was still completely fuckable.
Rather than test my ability to remain noble, I got out of bed and went downstairs figuring the least I could do was clean up the kitchen so she wouldn’t have to do it in the morning. There wasn’t a lot to do since Sookie tended to clean up behind herself as she cooked, but it was enough to tame my urges to fuck her awake. I still wasn’t feeling any more tired than I had when I’d gotten out of bed and went into my office and pulled out the script for Valhalla. I flipped through it, only stopping to read the more climatic parts, but by the time I set it down again, I wasn’t any closer to knowing what I really wanted to do. Pam was right; I knew this was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Sookie was my life. I knew I couldn’t honestly figure out what I wanted until I knew what she wanted, so I threw the pages back down onto my desk and went back upstairs knowing we’d need to talk about it come morning, but by the time I crawled back into bed, saving her from the sheet she’d become entangled in during my brief absence, I was finally able to fall asleep.
My dreams that night seemed to be mirroring the movie script I’d read right before I got back into bed and I found myself standing in the frozen tundra wearing nothing but fur pelts and worn leather boots with a sword strapped to my back. The sky was dark but I could make out a campfire just over the hill and walked towards it where I found Sookie sitting on a blanket made up of the same type of pelts I was wearing only she was dressed in nothing more than a flowing white gown.
“Sookie?” I asked hesitantly, not quite sure where we were, but I could no longer see beyond the circle of light from the fire. She looked up at me upon hearing her name, but she didn’t say anything and instead let her eyes trail up and down my body before smiling and holding her hand out for me to join her by the fire.
My feet had never stopped moving towards her anyway, but when I went to take a seat next her she stopped me with her hands on my hips, saying, “That’s a mighty big sword you’ve got.”
“Is it?” I asked, turning my head to try and see what I could feel hanging down the center of my back, but my head whipped back around feeling her hands pulling on the leather cords that were keeping my pants laced together. My other sword fell out into her waiting hands with it quickly preparing for battle, but she was already on the offense and wrapped her lips around me.
“Sookie,” I groaned enjoying the slick heat of her mouth. Even in my dream state I still marveled over how she could manage to take in all of me and my hands went into her hair just so I wouldn’t topple over and ruin the weirdest best dream ever. There was snow falling all around us and I knew we should’ve both been freezing, but we weren’t. At least I certainly wasn’t, and if Sookie was, she wasn’t giving me any indications that it was bothering her any.
Maybe she was keeping herself warm from the friction of her lips sliding up and down my cock?
It didn’t take long before the outer edges of my consciousness started pulling on me, signaling that my dream was about to end, and as though dream Sookie could sense it too, she pulled back whimpering, “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck!” I whined, and she gave me one last regretful look just as my eyelids started to flutter open, but it was then that I felt something else that took me a minute to realize was no dream.
Sookie was straddling my waist, completely naked, and then lowered herself down on top of me until I was buried inside of her to the hilt, rocking her hips against mine and repeating her dream apology of, “I’m sorry baby, but I just couldn’t wait for you to wake up on your own.”
Sookie blew me awake? This woman was fucking PERFECT!
I would swear on a stack of bibles that her breasts had the power to hypnotize me and now that all of me was fully awake, I gripped her hips helping her ride me as I sat up and took one of them into my mouth. I knew they were sometimes tender to the touch now, so I gently licked across the tip before increasing my suction and she cried out above me with her hands holding my head in place as she rocked even harder against me. I could feel her walls fluttering around my dick and grunted against her skin, encouraging her with the dirty words that always got her fired up even more. “That’s right lover, fuck me like you mean it.” Her rhythm faltered with my words as her muscles clenched even harder around me, so I held onto her and started thrusting into her in earnest from below, adding, “No! You sucked me awake and now you’re gonna fuck me until we both cum screaming.” All it took was me latching onto her other breast for her to do just that and the force of her orgasm pulled my own all the way out from my toes.
Maybe even all the way from the Valhalla.
I fell back to the mattress with Sookie still on top of me, as we both panted and our bodies glued together with more than just our sweat. All of me was completely sated and all I could think about was how perfect she was when she started giggling and asked, “So, am I forgiven for not letting you sleep in on a Sunday morning?”
I couldn’t think of a single thing I wouldn’t forgive her for after a wakeup call like that and her whole body moved when I chuckled, “I thought I was dreaming that your lips were wrapped around me.”
“Really?” she asked quietly. “You could dream about anyone and you still dream of me?”
She really felt the need to even ask?
I wrapped her in my arms tighter and kissed the crown of her head hard, saying, “You’re the only one I want, so why wouldn’t I dream of you?” She melted against me with a soft, “Aww…” but knowing how quickly she could get weepy, I added, “Not everyone lusts after a grimy pirate.”
My plan worked because I could feel her lips form into a smile against my chest before she sat up enough for me to see it and looked back at me, saying, “No, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one I know that doesn’t lust after that pirate.” Considering her closest friends were mostly female or gay men, I couldn’t really dispute her claim, so I did the next best thing and tickled her into submission.
Watching her laugh unabashedly while courageously ignoring her claims that she had to pee made me realize just how much I would miss if I had to go away, so after we had a very eventful, and very long, shower together, I decided to broach the subject of the movie over breakfast. I waited until we were halfway through our meal when I finally said, “So, tell me. How do you really feel about me taking that role?”
I’d already told her all of my concerns the day before while we were in car and was still on the fence about it, but knowing Sookie well enough by then, I watched her reaction to my question more than I waited to hear her actual words. Tara’s suggestion that Sookie would never come out and say what she wanted still weighed heavily on my mind because I knew how fucking true it was, so when she stalled by taking another bite of her food, I eyed her suspiciously, saying, “Tell me.”
Her eyes darted back down to her plate and she took her sweet time chewing until she finally swallowed and said, “It’s a great opportunity for you.”
I sighed, “That wasn’t what I asked Sookie,” and reached over and took her fork away before she could stall again, all the while knowing how dangerous my actions were since she was pregnant, and pulled her into my lap so I could inhale her neck while outright pleading, “Tell me how you feel.”
She let her body melt into mine before she finally sighed, “I…I just want you to be happy. I know how much you wanted that part, so you should take it.”
“But I’ll have to go away,” I added, although I highly doubted she’d forgotten that little detail.
“I know,” she answered softly, adding, “but it’s not like you’ll be gone forever. It’s only a few weeks.”
ONLY a few weeks. I hated being away from her for ONLY a few hours, so how in the hell would I cope going for six weeks without seeing her?
Her calm demeanor over the whole thing surprised me. I’d expected tears at the very least, but either Sookie was a better actor than me or she really was okay with the idea of me taking the part and seeing that she was okay with it lifted some of the uncertainty I’d been feeling about it all. It might’ve had to do with the fact that I’d been networking to get that role for a year and a half before I’d ever met Sookie or that I was mostly a selfish creature by nature, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I did want to take the role. The only problem was it wasn’t all that I wanted; I wanted the best of both worlds. I’d worked my whole life to get an opportunity like the one I had now and I wanted to prove to not only myself, but to everyone else who told me that I’d never achieve anything more than a D-list celebrity status that I was better than that. But, I also wanted Sookie there with me. I didn’t want us to spend that much time apart, so I looked back at her, asking, “If I took the part, would you be willing to go with me?”
Her face frowned with her question of, “How would I do that when I have to work?”
I knew my next words could turn the foreseeable future into a hailstorm of angry tears and accusations, so I very carefully kept my tone light as I said, “You don’t have to work,” as though she might’ve forgotten that little detail too and I was merely pointing it out.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously at me, but I did my best not to twitch under her scrutiny and she surprised me again, saying calmly, “No, I don’t have to, but that wouldn’t make me feel any better for walking out on my kids either.” She sat up a little straighter in my lap and asked without any hint of anger in her tone, “Are you asking me to choose between you and them? Because if you are, I’ll always choose you.”
If I hadn’t already been sitting down, her sincerity would’ve knocked me over. We’d argued over her working before and it had come up numerous times since then, but during those times her stance had never once faltered. She’d made it perfectly clear to me that she wanted to work, at least for now, and she wanted to do it somewhere where she felt she could make the biggest impact, but I had no doubt if I asked her now to quit her job just so she could go away on location with me because I would miss her too much, she would do it. It was a prime example of how she always put her own wants and needs aside for everyone else, especially for me, but even I couldn’t be that selfish. She could’ve just as easily given me an ultimatum; her or the role, but she didn’t.
SHE wouldn’t, so I couldn’t either.
“Of course not,” I finally replied.
I was already feeling morose over the idea of spending that much time away from her and as if she could read my mind, she nudged me with a smile and said, “Maybe I could visit you though. A long weekend?”
That thought perked me up a little and I carried her into my office, refusing to physically let go of her because I’d already begun missing her, so I could check the filming schedule I’d initially been given with the script. The six weeks I’d be gone were from the middle of March until the beginning of May, but we’d begin shooting in the studio there in Hollywood as soon as taping for the sitcom ended at the beginning of February. Sookie looked it over and checked her own calendar before grinning up at me saying, “I think I can do better than a long weekend. Spring break is in early April so I could fly out for a whole week.”
I looked at the dates she’d pointed out and saw that I’d really only have to go for two and half weeks before seeing her again and then another two and a half weeks after she left before I’d be back home. It was looking more and more doable, but before I could accept it in my head, I had to ask one last time, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? You still haven’t really told me what you want.”
She silently stared back at me for a while before leaning her head against my chest and admitting, “I’ll miss you; a lot, but I would feel bad if you gave up this opportunity just to stay home with me.” I knew I was going to miss her, probably a hell of a lot more, but before I could say that she added in a happier tone, “But, on the bright side, I’ve never even been to the east coast much less another country, so it’ll be fun. I’ll have to get a passport and buy a Shamu sized winter coat, but…yeah, fun!” She sat up to look at me with her eyebrow quirked and said, “And since we’ll be in Sweden I’ll be expecting one of those massages from you when I get there.”
She got that and more before it was even lunch time.
The next week started off with me, and a very happy Pam, signing the contract to do the movie after Sookie reassured me via text message as my pen hovered above the dotted line that it was still okay with her and the rest of it blew by in a blur. With the holidays fast approaching it seemed there was always something that needed to be done and now that Gran and Jason had agreed to fly out and stay with us for the Christmas holidays, Sookie was acting like a woman possessed. Only one of the spare rooms, her former room, was ‘fit for company,’ so I was tasked with clearing out one of the others the following weekend while she went shopping for another bedroom set to put in there. I’d had no idea of just how much stuff I’d accumulated over the years and I gave some serious thought to draining the pool and chucking everything out the window into it and cementing it over, but the only thing that stopped me was knowing I wouldn’t be able to see Sookie wandering around the backyard in a bikini come summertime.
And then see to getting her OUT of it.
At times it still felt weird knowing that I was married; that I was a husband and going to be someone’s father. Even being able to think so far into the future that I already had plans to remove said bikini from Sookie was weird, but in a good way. I finally felt normal and that thought was only solidified later on that night when I was forced into the role of the waiting husband as Sookie finished getting herself ready so we could make an appearance at the studio’s holiday party. I wasn’t particularly keen to attend myself knowing I’d have to smile and act like I was having a good time when I’d much rather stay home with Sookie having an even better time.
The car that would be taking us had arrived on time, but when the driver had been left waiting for close to twenty minutes I finally knocked on the bathroom door, urging, “Babe? Are you almost done? We’re running late and the car is waiting.”
“Do NOT call me ‘babe’!” she shouted through the still closed door.
Yay for hormones…
I’d never given much thought to how I addressed Sookie and realized I rarely called her anything other than her name or lover, but I didn’t get why she’d be so opposed to being called ‘Babe’.
It probably had to do with that damn pig movie and her perceived flaws.
“Oookaaay…” I began and then felt a little braver, hoping to get her out of whatever foul mood she was in by joking, “How about Baby Momma?”
What? It was true.
“Better!” was her only reply.
Seriously? She’d rather me call her Baby Momma than Babe?
I was about to ask that very question when the door opened revealing a mostly sexy Sookie. I say ‘mostly’ because I didn’t find the scowl on her face very alluring, but I had ways of making that disappear and easy access to do it since she was wearing a black dress that fell to her knees. Because I knew we were already running late, I kept my hands to myself for now and just smiled, saying, “There’s my beautiful Baby Momma.”
Sookie imitated what sounded like a tire leaking air as she said, “More like your ball and chain.” She pulled the front of her dress tight with her hands just underneath her baby bump and stared down at it, adding, “Bowling ball and chain.”
I grabbed one of her hands and pulled her along behind me so she wouldn’t see me roll my eyes while saying, “Stop it. You’re beautiful. Besides, you don’t even look pregnant in that dress.” It gathered just underneath her breasts and the fabric flared out from there, so unless she planned on flipping her skirt up all night long, no one would be the wiser.
But I’d better be the ONLY one she was flipping that skirt up for.
“That’s the problem,” she shot back. “I don’t look pregnant. I just look fat.”
“So then tell everyone you’re pregnant,” I offered. It was really only a matter of time anyway, so even though it would just make the targets on our heads even bigger that much sooner, I didn’t care as long as she felt better. I also thought it best to keep her moving so she wouldn’t have time to pout over anything and helped her get her coat on before finally getting us out the front door.
“No,” she said in a much calmer tone once we slid into the waiting limo. “I’ll just let people think I’m fat for now. That way I can still go Christmas shopping without too much fanfare.”
Hearing her mention the holiday made me realize I still had no idea on what to get Sookie for Christmas and while there were a million things I could buy her, I wanted to find something she would really want. I just had no clue what that might be and while Sookie prattled on, listing the things she still had to pick up, I was trying to come up with a way to figure out what to get her without actually having to ask her first. It was times like this that made me wish I could remember the time I’d lost from the accident. It was only three weeks of my life and it seemed like everything was back on track, but for all I knew Sookie could’ve told me every little thing she’d ever wanted and I’d have my own lists full of things to buy her. Doubtful, but still a possibility.
I knew Sookie better than I’d ever known anyone in my entire life, probably because she was the first person I’d ever cared about enough to get to know that well, but I was sure there were still plenty of things I had yet to learn. I looked forward to finding out everything there was to know, but for now I’d just be happy for a hint at what she might possibly want.
The hotel the party was being held at wasn’t far from the house, so it wasn’t long before I was trying to guide us through the ballroom, having to stop every few seconds to greet people I mostly knew by face and not their actual name. Sookie, of course, charmed everyone she came across and I was in the middle of talking to one of the show’s writers when I felt her stiffen at my side. My left hand had been resting on the small of her back and I looked down at her when I’d felt her muscles tense to see her staring ahead of us while twisting her wedding band. Seeing it I was distracted for a split second with my brain trying to put together ring and gift when her right hand suddenly reached around to lace her fingers through mine.
“Sookie?” I asked as her grip tightened, wondering what was wrong, but hearing the voice now directly in front of us was both aggravating and enlightening.
“Babe, I was wondering if I’d run into you here.”
It was a different kind of pig all along.