“Merlotte’s Bar and Grille?” I asked, turning around to face him.
And his full Monty.
Ugh…The things I was willing to do for Sookie and her family…
“Dude? You know her too?” His face crinkled up, just like other parts of him I was forced to take in, when he added in a less lighthearted tone, “I saw her first, dude.”
Technically, that wasn’t true. But instead of arguing with him over someone I hadn’t wanted when she was still alive – much less now that she was dead – I asked, “Where did you see her?”
If I could find her – talk to her – then maybe I could find out who the real killer was.
“Bro,” the meth chef interjected. “That’s his ho!”
“Thanks dude,” he nodded, clearly appreciating the bro solidarity.
“Bros before ho lifters,” he nodded back.
Frustrated with both of them, I growled out, “I have my own…girlfriend.” Who was probably waiting for me. In my bed. Naked. With no latex in between us.
That thought made it even harder for me to decide which was more important.
Harder in more than one way.
Hoping to get him to see reason, I explained, “I just want to talk to her.”
Quickly. Which was probably something I would be doing again, under very different circumstances, in the very near future.
Having sex without wearing a condom for the very first time would no doubt make me cum quickly.
He held up a single hand in a ‘Stop In the Name of Love’ pose and said, “Not fallin’ for it, dude.”
So I did the only thing I could think of.
I held up my own hand, pulled the latex glove off and clenched it into a fist, before throwing a punch right through his stupid Zack Galifianakis head.
“Dude!” he yelled, ducking too late even though my fist went right through him. “What. In. The. Hell?”
“Exactly,” I growled and then snarled, “What in the hell would I want your…girlfriend for? Even if I didn’t already have one of my own, what exactly would I do with one I couldn’t touch?”
My heart stopped along with my breathing hearing Herveaux’s now familiar voice approaching right behind me.
He’d heard me.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! FFFUUUCK!
I should have known better. I’d lived with my curse for my whole life. I knew better than to talk to dead people when there were living ones nearby.
I’d just fucked myself.
I held off on turning around to face him. Going over everything I’d just said and done moments earlier and trying to come up with a reasonable way to explain it all.
I came up with two things.
Jack and shit.
And while I floundered, the shit for brains jackholes took off into the night, laughing their dead asses off. I almost called out to them to stop when I remembered why I couldn’t.
Small miracle there.
Knowing I was only making myself look even more deranged by not acknowledging him, I turned around to finally face Herveaux. He was wearing the all too familiar, ‘You’re a nut job,’ look I’d seen on a thousand different faces a thousand times before and I knew.
He was going to tell Sookie.
She was going to ask me about it.
I was going to have to tell Sookie about my other job being a nut job.
And she was going to run off into the night, laughing her perfectly heart shaped undead ass off.
My heart sank and my stomach dropped when he stared for a second longer before bursting out into a full-on belly laugh that shook his whole body. It reminded me of grade school all over again, but just as my feet were preparing to skulk the rest of me away, he laughed out, “Jesus you must have it bad for Sook if you’re still ate up about me cockblocking you earlier.”
“I can’t believe you’re still grumbling about not being able to touch her,” he playfully taunted. “Were you picturing me when you took that swing?”
Jesus. Mary. Joseph. I thank you one and all for this blessing you have given to me.
I seriously wanted to kiss him. I couldn’t come up with a reasonable explanation for what I had said and done, but I hadn’t needed to. Herveaux did it for me.
Who knew he’d have my back too?
“I’ll never confess,” I chuckled, feeling more relieved than I’d ever felt before.
Jesus. Mary. Joseph. I take it all back. And you’re not funny either.
Corbett moved to stand alongside Herveaux with a shit eating grin on his face, knowing I couldn’t answer him.
“Listen,” Herveaux began. “I don’t know what kind of bullshit Sook was trying to sell earlier about it being you all’s anniversary.” Corbett’s eyebrow rose up just before it dawned on him what Herveaux might be talking about and he cringed, waiting for the rest. “But I know you two haven’t been going at it for very long no matter what she said about your cock and her mouth.”
“La la la la la la la…” Corbett sang out at the top of his lungs with his fingers now stuck in his ears.
The Jason apple hadn’t fallen very far from the Corbett tree.
Unable to hear the sound of ‘ignorance is bliss’ song Corbett was singing, I had to strain to hear when Herveaux went on with, “So consider this the talk you would’ve gotten from her father if he’d still been alive.”
Please…I couldn’t get her father to shut the fuck up. Ever!
But I also couldn’t tell him that.
“You seem like a nice enough guy. Weird, but nice. And she’s been walking on a fuckin’ cloud since last week, but if you do anything to hurt her.” He took a step forward and put his face directly in mine, staring hard at me as he finished with, “I will hurt you.”
If I hadn’t seen their little verbal sparring session earlier that night, I might’ve been offended at the very least he would have to nerve to say anything about our relationship. But now I understood. So instead of trying to match his bravado with my own – I had a feeling mine would come across as considerably weaker anyway – I smiled and said, “Noted. But she’s the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t plan on fucking things up.”
Corbett had stopped with the ,’La la la’s’ in time to hear Herveaux’s warning and he smiled at both of our responses, but Herveaux was the only one to speak out loud when he smiled and repeated, “Noted. Now get out of here before she calls to yell at me again for keeping you here for so long.” I was just about take a step when he put his hand on my arm and said, “Oh. And here’s another warning for you. Your girlfriend likes to hit. Hard.”
I laughed and made the slightest movement with my head so Corbett would know I wanted him to get into the van, but I waited until we were on the darkened street before saying anything.
Not bothering with any kind of build up or segue, I blurted out, “Zack knows where Dawn Green is.”
“Zack?” he asked. “Who’s Zack?”
“Naked Zack Galifianakis,” I replied, while turning my head to look at him in the passenger’s seat. “How could you have missed him? He’s naked. And looks like Zack Galifianakis.”
I couldn’t remember what his real name was, but it wasn’t necessary. Corbett had been a cop for his entire adult life. A naked Zack Galifianakis was clue enough.
“Who’s Zack Galifianakis?” he asked, with a puzzled look on his face.
Maybe God hated me MORE than a little bit after all.
“Jesus Christ,” I started and Corbett immediately jumped in with a grin, saying, “Now Him, I know!”
“For fuck’s sake, Corbett! Don’t you want to find her?” I asked, not giving in to my urge to smile.
Or take a swing at him, knowing I’d catch nothing but air anyway.
“Well sure I do,” he grinned. “But that don’t mean I can’t fuck with you for the sake of fucking with you.”
Speaking of fucking…
Sookie was waiting.
Where there would be fucking.
Celebratory anniversary fucking.
And not wanting to give Corbett any reason to follow me home, even if he couldn’t get into my apartment, I shook my head while laying it on thick by saying in a disappointed tone, “I’m sure Jason would appreciate your humor while everyone is looking at him like he’s a murderer. Sookie too. And I can’t even begin to imagine how upset your mom…”
It was low. And I knew it. But desperate times called for desperate measures.
And I was desperate to be inside of Sookie.
I was wondering if it had even occurred to him he could just yell through the wall to ruin the mood when he rolled his eyes and interrupted my guilt trip with a chuckle and said, “Fuck you for raining on my parade. Now where can I find this naked guy who knows where Dawn is?”
“He ran off into the night with his brother in meth right before you showed up at the fire. He was worried I wanted to steal ‘his girlfriend’ and wouldn’t tell me where he’d seen her.” Recalling exactly what he’d said, I added, “And he said she was ‘playing hard to get’ and that she wouldn’t tell him what her name was. He was calling her Merle thanks to her Merlotte’s t-shirt.”
Saying it all out loud made another thought occur to me and I turned to look at him, wondering out loud, “Maybe she’s like Maudette. He’s only been dead for a week, so he might not have come across anyone else like that.”
Corbett thought about it for a minute before saying, “But if she’s one a them milky whites, that would mean she wasn’t killed where her car was found. They always hang around the last place they were alive.”
They even reenacted Civil War battles that made weird little kids piss their pants on field trips.
Instead of going into all of that, I responded, “So unless Naked Zack has some tie to Bon Temps that would’ve had him going back for a visit, Dawn was probably killed somewhere here in Shreveport. Her body was found in a ditch just off of the interstate, so maybe she was killed somewhere nearby. But if she’s an opaque, it couldn’t have been right there or else I would have seen her. And it had all of the markings of a body dump anyway.”
“Kevin’s been combing the whole damn town looking for her,” he replied. “He would a told me if he’d a run across some naked dude.”
“Don’t say dude!” I groaned. When he looked at me questioningly, I only explained, “Find Naked Zack and you’ll see why.”
When I had nothing further to add to my explanation, he asked, “And where do you propose I go looking for Naked Zack? Shreveport’s a big place.”
“But how many ghosts are running around it naked? Afraid you’re losing your Detective Doodlebug touch?” I snarked. At his responding glare, I chuckled and answered, “I’ve only ever seen him at the morgue and back at that seedy motel. That’s where he bit the bullet and his friend smoked himself – literally – tonight across the street at the burned down storage facility. I would start by looking there.”
We were pulling into the parking lot at the Coroner’s Office by that point, so he waited for me to get out, hiding his curiosity poorly before asking, “Have any plans tonight?”
Yep. And they all involve your daughter and not a single piece of latex.
“Just gonna head home,” I shrugged, trying to not give him any reason to suspect something was up.
Like what was coming up in my pants just thinking about it.
“Alone?” he asked, not buying my bullshit.
I don’t know what he was so worried about. He’d find Naked Zack because even dead, he was still a good detective.
Pulling some indignation out of thin air, I turned to him and said, “Yes. Alone. Do you see anyone hanging around here waiting on me to get off?”
I already knew the answer was no. Because Sookie was waiting on me back at my place so we could get each other off.
Like Herveaux, he came up with his own reasons for why I sounded so put off and chuckled, “Don’t get your panties in a twist because Sookie ain’t following you around like a lost puppy. She’s got a job and an early start in the morning.”
It was more like she followed me around like a cat in heat than a lost puppy. And speaking of hot pussies…
“I know that,” I fake yawned. “I’m just tired and I smell like fried meth lab. All I want to do is go home, take a shower and go to bed.”
Home where Sookie was. The shower where I would get Sookie to take one with me. And the bed where she’d be lucky if she got a cat nap before the start of her next shift.
He studied me for a moment longer. The fried death/meth lab smell that came from the body bag I was pulling out of the van helped to make my eyes water, so he seemed to believe my excuse and said, “Alright. I’ll go get Kevin to help me search for Dawn and let ya know if we find her.”
“Good luck,” I called out and turned to hide my grin from him.
Because I would be getting lucky as soon as I got home.
I practically ran through the halls with the body on the gurney and had him in a drawer in the morgue in under a minute.
I actually ran to my car before running back and grabbing my fireman’s coat from the van just in case Sookie was serious about wanting me to wear it home.
I ran two yellow lights and one red one (after making sure there was no oncoming traffic) trying to get back to my place as quickly as possible.
And I ran up the flight of stairs with my keys already in my hand, throwing open the door and slamming it shut again, yelling out, “Honey…I’m home!”
I didn’t wait to hear a response and seeing the kitchen and living room were Sookie-free, I ran back to the bedroom and stopped cold.
My bed was empty.
It looked exactly as I had left it, but before I could become maudlin I saw a ray of hope.
In the form of a ray of light peeking out from underneath the bathroom door.
As soon as I’d noticed it I registered the sound of water running in the shower and decided to see if I could sneak up on Sookie as well as she’d snuck up on me earlier.
And hopefully she wouldn’t sweep my legs out from underneath me so that I landed on my ass on the floor of the tub.
That shit would hurt.
Stripping my clothes off like they were on fire, I said a silent ‘amen’ finding the bathroom door unlocked. I opened it slowly, just in case she was actually doing something else while the shower ran, to give her enough time to tell me to stop.
But she didn’t.
Because she wasn’t.
She was in the shower and according to my opaque shower curtain she was standing with her face directly under the water.
Calling on my own level of Jedi stealth, I crossed the small room in two strides. I paused for a split second, moving the curtain like a bomb might go off if I pulled it back too quickly, before looking over at Sookie to make sure she hadn’t noticed me yet.
And she hadn’t.
But then I noticed what her hands were doing.
One hand was massaging her breast and the other was massaging much lower than that, while small gasps and moans escaped her lips.
And just watching her made pre-cum escape my dick. No massaging necessary.
My feet carried me into the tub, but they did so silently because they didn’t want to alert her to our presence any more than I did.
Not when just watching her threatened to make me cum.
She continued to stroke herself, working her body into a frenzy, and when her hips started to buck against her hand, I was torn between wanting to join in or just enjoying the show.
It was like being forced to choose between Sookie and Sookie.
What’s a horny boyfriend to do?
When I couldn’t take it any longer, I wrapped my hand around my aching cock and began stroking in time with her movements. While nothing could replace the feel of her hands on me, doing it myself while watching her came in a close second.
And I was about to cum in a second too.
But no longer caring about trying to sneak up on her, I didn’t bother trying to stay quiet when my orgasm snuck up on me as soon as I watched her fall over hers.
My back hit the tiled wall while my eyes crossed and soon after I felt her wet hand take over where mine had stopped. The feel of her wet mouth placing kisses along my chest came next while she continued to stroke my cock back to life as she said, “I think someone enjoyed the show.”
“I think someone needs a thesaurus,” I chuckled, when I could finally speak again. “The word ‘enjoy’ doesn’t come close. ‘Mind blowing’ is more like it.”
My eyes finally uncrossed too, so when I looked down at her, she just smiled back and said, “Mind blowing. I’ll show you mind blowing.”
She dropped to her knees and had me in her mouth a second later, literally blowing my mind. It didn’t take long for me to be hard again. Not when I had her mouth and naked wet body to work with, but wondering if she’d known I was watching her the whole time, I asked, “You knew I was there?”
“Mmmhmmmm…” she hummed around my cock.
I wasn’t expecting it. I don’t know why considering I knew her mouth was full, but that didn’t stop my knees from buckling a little as I strained to remain upright.
She might laugh over needing to wear a C-collar because I fell over on top of her during a blow job, but I had a feeling it would fall into the Herveaux Beat Down category of hurting her. Even if I was sure that wasn’t what he’d been referring to.
Never mind what Corbett would force me to endure.
Sookie seemed to realize my Achilles Heel was connected directly to her hum job and an evil glint appeared in her eyes right as she hummed again.
Her going down on me might be able to bring me down, but I would be damned if I didn’t take her down with me.
In a way that hopefully wouldn’t involve a C-collar.
I wrapped my hand in her wet hair, groaning out loud in the next moment when she took that as a sign to force herself down far enough for me to hit the back of her throat. But when she pulled back, I pulled her up by her hair before letting go so I could grab onto her hips and lift her all the way up. She laughed when her back hit the tile wall and our foreheads tipped together as we both moaned when I slowly pushed inside of her.
I needed a thesaurus too.
Mind blowing didn’t come anywhere close to describing what it felt like to be inside of her without anything in between us.
I paused once I was all the way in, needing a moment to calm the fuck down, while marveling over how perfect she felt.
Inside and out.
In fact, I couldn’t find any reason to move until Sookie pushed her heels against my ass and breathed out, “Ride me, cowboy.”
“Yes ma’am,” I whispered in return.
Slowly I pulled out of her until we were playing ‘just the tip’ before slamming back in. My lips clamped down over hers in the next moment, while her other lips clamped down over my cock. And I could only be thankful for her erotic show and my for-shit willpower to not masturbate right along with her. Otherwise I was sure our ride would’ve already cum to a premature end.
“Harder, Eric…” she panted when I finally released her upper set of lips.
“Yes ma’am,” I gritted out through my teeth. Over and over my hips moved against hers as though they were possessed and wouldn’t be satisfied until her back and ass were permanently marked by the ceramic tiles. Sookie seemed to be just as possessed and her cries of, “More,” only spurred me on.
Our differences in height made it impossible for my mouth to reach anywhere lower than hers, but the same couldn’t be said for Sookie. I was already fighting off the begging my balls were doing in wanting their release, but when I felt her lips close over my nipple and her teeth clamp down on the skin surrounding it…
It like…went BOOM bro…
Cum exploded from cock and into her while I yelled loud enough the cops might get called. But all I could be cognizant of – all that I cared about – was the telltale feeling I had taken Sookie down with me.
Take that, minx!
While I continued to thrust into her, still riding the shockwaves of the most powerful orgasm of my life, her inner muscles continued to clench around my shaft milking me of everything I had.
But there was no need for concern. I was sure I could make more.
I just needed a minute.
We were both gasping for air as I took her all the way down to the shower floor and we sat still joined together while the water pelted us from up above.
“That was…” she panted and paused.
Her eyes were unfocused and her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, all while a smile lurked around the corners of her mouth.
When she didn’t say anything else, I chuckled and leaned down to kiss her forehead, agreeing, “Yes, it was.”
When we could both use our legs again, we took turns getting each other clean. And all of the dirty ways we ended up using to get one another clean made us carry it over to the bed. We laughed and played with one another long into the night, proceeding to make each other dirty all over again. But it was all good.
In fact everything both with and about her was good and when she fell asleep in my arms for the second night in a row I knew.
Without a single doubt.
I was in love with Sookie Stackhouse.